This part 3 of the Pay Attention series is the final piece. Originally, the whole Pay Attention post about maintaining situational awareness was one post but my editors (i.e. my kids) felt it was too long and so it was divided into two parts. The second part grew and became two parts, then the third part grew...I won’t bore you any longer with the details of it’s etymology except to say this post is closely tied to listening.
Since we’re on the topic of Situational Awareness and Paying Attention to our surroundings in an effort to accomplish our mission, let’s approach our conversations with a data mining strategy. I already expressed that you need to be looking around and listening which are more or less passive functions. Conversations, on the other hand, can be an active form of gaining situational awareness. I find that I can data mine during a conversation by asking questions and paying close attention to what’s said and what may be left unsaid. Questions are also helpful in conveying interest and promoting conversation just as they are useful in getting the answers we seek. Remember that a large part of this entire exercise is to express genuine concern for your team. It’s good for morale.
Smart and polite conversational engagement with team members, colleagues, and customers can pay huge dividends. These dividends come in many forms: improving morale, gauging the climate of the team, strengthening of relationships, honest customer feedback, etcetera. The focus here is gathering information to enhance your situational awareness. People generally speak to an issue from their viewpoint. Attempting to see things from that person’s viewpoint can help you better understand what’s actually being said/expressed/conveyed/shared. The better you know the person you’re conversing with the better you’re able to see things from their viewpoint.
So, the first big key in conversational engagement with your team is knowing your team. This means knowing each individual. Of course if your team includes 500 people spread over three states, the depth of your interactions is probably a good gauge of the level of personal knowledge you need. If an occasional hello, while passing in the hall, is all you have for interactions with that team member you probably need to know their name and not a whole lot else. However, if she’s running a major project for you, you’ll want to know more about her professionally than just her name.
Asking questions, in a thoughtful and judicious manner, can provide you with a mountain of information; while vague or pointed questions only provide limited and sometimes guarded responses. These same questions also help us demonstrate to our team that we’re aware of their contributions. With that in mind, here’s some of my personal rules: two DO’s and three DON’Ts.
DO ask relevant and specific questions.
This will “cut to the chase” and express to your team member that you have a real interest. It shows you’re paying attention. The best example in day-to-day life of what not to ask is “How are you?” It has become another form of hello and isn’t an expression of concern over their well-being. A specific or relevant question would involve noting a specific condition or life event such as “How’s the knee healing?” or “How are those wedding plans coming along?” This shows a real interest and opens a dialog. I know this isn’t necessarily a work related example but hopefully you get the idea.
If you want to know the status of a task or project, it should be for operational reasons and not just to fill a box on a briefing slide. So, asking a generic open-ended question, such as “What’s the status of XYZ project?”, isn’t typically productive in providing information. The individual you ask has to determine what information (and the pile of information could be huge) is relevant. Instead, you decide what information you seek. Figure out what specific information about the project will give you the type of status information you want, then ask a question. Perhaps you can find a key element within the project that should have just been completed, or very near completion, and ask about it. Avoid yes or no questions and shoot for questions that require quantitative answers. For example, if the electrical rough-in should have been completed yesterday, you could ask “Heard there were some issues with the electrical, what was the final fix?”
Follow-up questions and questions that come up during the course of a conversation are important, too. These can often help the speaker know if you are understanding what’s being said. Besides showing you’re still engaged, it can direct the conversation back to the point. If the individual talking is particularly long winded, I have a tough time remembering the questions I want to ask (based on the current conversation) and therefore have a tough time abiding by my self-imposed rule “don’t interrupt.”. With the long winded ones, I will interrupt to ask a pertinent question because I can use it to get the conversation back on track and possibly skip ahead a couple of chapters, if you get my drift (bonus points if you noticed the pun).
DO ask a question that can help you frame the issue and get a more accurate gauge of the situation.
In much the same way as asking a relevant question, framing the issue helps you establish the proper perspective for the conversation to avoid emotion or irrelevant tangents.
Perhaps you have a situation where you know emotions are running high, an angry client and frustrated project team. You’ve smoothed some ruffled feathers and set the client up to meet with the major team players on the project, to work through some issues. “How’d the meeting go?” would likely only provide you with the emotional climate of the meeting. “What were the top three take-aways?’ would direct the conversation to the business at hand. You’ll be able to gauge the climate of the meeting by the tone of the answer without it being the dominate issue.
Many times people will avoid talking about subjects especially when they are not following policy or not making appropriate progress on a task or project. Because certain direct questions come with implications that appear to accuse the listener, it can put them on the defensive. That’s the reason I like to ask seemingly innocuous questions in a sort of fishing expedition. This way I attempt to avoid implying an accusation before having all the facts. Accusing someone of wrongdoing, whether implied or direct, is serious business and costly to a relationship, professional or otherwise. A noncommittal, indirect approach allows me to broach a subject without having to establish where I stand on the issue. This allows the other person to talk about the subject without becoming defensive. Once they’re talking it’s a short step to fact finding.
A quick and easy example may be in order. This isn’t work related but I hope it conveys my meaning. The 3 year old grandchild is supposed to eat her vegetables or at least have what grandma calls, a “No thank you” bite. If I ask the question “Did you eat a bite of your vegetables?” I risk the implication of wrong doing if she didn’t, instance defense mode, tears possibly. Instead I’ll ask, “How was the vegetable, did you like it?” or “Did you want grandpa to put some butter and salt on your vegetable?” or, and this is probably the bee’s knees, “Would you like some ketchup for your vegetable?” In any case, I’ll have my answer as to whether or not she’s taken a bite of vegetable. Of course if she hasn’t had that bite, that’s grandma’s problem...I’m in charge of dessert.
I’ve always believed I was good at masking my intentions but I do remember one particular incident where I asked a “nonchalant” question (a fishing expedition) and got the response “Why do you ask?”. I replied, “just asking.” Her reply, “All the time I’ve known you, you never just ask a question.” Guilty as charged!
DON’T be satisfied with evasive or non-quantifying answers.
“It’s coming along just fine” was an answer I would hear from airmen in response to an inquiry about the progress they were making on their mandatory self-study program. The translation was typically the same in every case, “I haven’t even looked at it.” If you have a project manager working a project and his answer is “It’s coming along just fine”, set up a time to review the project with him. People love to brag about success (I don’t mean that in a negative way) so if the project is coming along just fine there will be more of an answer. Of course, if you’re following the “Do” ask questions rules, you might avoid getting this sort of answer in the first place.
Maybe the trick is to pay attention to verbal trends. So often, people will use particular words and phrases in similar circumstances. If they use certain phrases when avoiding issues, it’s a good bet when you hear that phrase in an answer to your question, you need dig a little deeper. Keep that objectivity in mind. Don’t take offense that you’re not getting a straight answer and be mindful there may be more of an underlying reason than just laziness or an obstinate personality.
DON’T ignore what isn’t being said. Read between the lines/identify the real issue.
Sometimes the speaker’s knowledge on the subject is limited. They speak to the issue based on what they know but aren’t able to fully express it. On many occasions I have encountered the following scenario:
A manager tells the maintenance guy “My office thermostat doesn’t work.” The maintenance guy goes to the office and tests the thermostat. It passes all the function tests. He returns back to the maintenance department and signs off the work order. Complaint comes back “My office thermostat still doesn’t work.” The pissing match begins. Hard feelings develop and communication shuts down. Real listening would hear, “There’s a problem with the room temperature in my office.” Let the troubleshooting begin.
DON’T be distracted by what people say….
Complaints are a common place where the real issue(s) gets masked. Say a member of your team is complaining about a task he thinks is ridiculous and redundant. It could be he doesn’t perceive how that task fits into the big picture. Of course, it may just be a ridiculous and redundant task. If your team is complaining about working conditions, they may just not understand what working in a salt mine is all about (insert appropriate “tongue in cheek” emoticon here). You can try to address complaints based on their face value but often they are just a symptom of a more general discontent. One example ties this thought with the idea of differing viewpoints: Toilet seat up or toilet seat down?
I’m not sure this is even a thing anymore but at one time it was a huge public debate. I remember it back in the day when I was newly married. Wives were pissed at their husbands for not returning the toilet seat to the down position (more bonus points). It seemed to become a near deal breaker in terms of relationships. To my wife and me it seemed to be a humorous, bordering on sad, state of affairs to end a relationship over such a trivial issue. I think most would agree that there had to be deeper issues at play than the mere position of a toilet seat. If the seat position is truly the issue, the fix is an easy compromise: everybody closes the lid when finished (should be done anyway but that’s just my opinion).
Now, I’d like to use this toilet seat example and segway into an example of differing viewpoints and how they affected the debate. In this case it’s all about approach. As a guy (I’m a guy, just check my pseudonym) I have spent my life approaching the toilet face on. Silly to approach it otherwise. However, my wife has spent her life backing up to it. I can tell instantly, because it’s staring me in the face (figuratively, I’m not that short any more), whether the seat is up or down. The same is not true for my wife, she’s not looking in that direction. So, unless the woman grew up in a house full of boys, she probably hasn’t had to develop the habit of checking the seat position first. If it isn’t down, the consequences are extremely shocking followed directly with infuriating. His view “What’s the big deal?” but her view “I’ll kill someone if that happens again!” Two very different viewpoints.
Another key to communicating during a conversation is picking up on verbal and nonverbal cues. If you don’t know that I have a very dry and deadpan sense of humor, much of what I say, and the verbal/nonverbal cues, can be confusing. Most people, however, give off plenty of telling verbal and nonverbal cues when they talk. I covered some types of verbal cues in the “Do’s and Don’ts” and some nonverbal cues are next but a quick google search provides more material on the subject. Watching and listening for these cues can help keep you engaged in the conversation (kinda like a challenge) and direct your tone. Here’s my personal rules of thumb on nonverbals.
Observe the obvious ones and don’t overthink it.
I generally stick with the obvious nonverbal cues but I routinely watch even the obvious ones blow right by other people. It just takes a little practice and you must to be paying attention. Please remember when dealing with people, you can’t apply cues as rules but merely guidelines. Each person is unique and may not fall neatly into the “typical” category (I like to think I don’t). In any case, if you pick up from their nonverbal cues that they’re not on board with the current conversation: back up the truck, end the conversation, or take a brief digression (something to get their attention or lighten the mood).
Agitation shows up in the facial expressions but I’ve also been told that crossing of the arms is a sign. To me, overt physical body language of that sort is getting close to aggression and I try to calm that before moving ahead. What you do to calm things depends on what is causing the agitation. If it’s the presence of another individual, you may have to ask that person to step away for a minute. Maybe the agitation exists because the person feels you’re going to reprimand them for something. In this case, you can start a “digression” in your conversation about an unrelated or non-job related subject. I typically pick something like the local sports team but any popular yet benign subject will do. There are rare occasions when I will use the agitation. If I have a team member who tends to bottle things up, it sometimes works to get them just agitated enough to spill the beans on what’s been eating them (some more bonus points). Once that shell is cracked of course, I move back to plan A and calm the situation but now I have some feedback with which to work.
Distractions happen often in conversations but when the person is actively searching for a distraction, like checking their phone or computer screen, you’ve lost them. If your calendar can afford it (i.e. you have time to wait), you may have to walk away and come back when the circumstances are more conducive.
Boredom shows up when their eyes glaze over or the spot on the wall over your shoulder becomes the focal point of their gaze. If you notice the nodding head you have to wonder: are they actually agreeing with me, providing an affirming visual feedback, or simply relying on muscle memory to placate the speaker?
So, after three separate posts on Paying Attention to reach Situational Awareness, what’s the motivation? Why do I feel such a strong urge to know so much about what’s going on around me? Well it AIN’T to micromanage, at least it shouldn’t be.
Like a quarterback, you need a strong sense of what’s happening on the field to make the most of every play. Situational awareness allows you to make appropriate adjustments to maximize the players’ effectiveness and thus gain the greatest yardage. You can also think of it like a chess game with checkmating the opponent as your final objective or destination (mission accomplishment). To be effective, you need to know where all your pieces are on the game board and what their current role (guard the king) or objective (take opponent’s rook) is so you can plan the moves ahead.
At the risk of sounding repetitious, PAY ATTENTION!...it’s your job.
No comments:
Post a Comment