Monday, April 13, 2015

Pay Attention! Part II, Listen Up!

You must learn how to listen, it’s part of paying attention.  Listening isn’t really all that complicated but to do it effectively you need to bare in mind two basic principles. First and foremost, you must never be a respecter of persons. It will distort what you hear as well as what’s said (people know, they can sense it). You want to establish yourself as someone who listens regardless of the social or professional status of the speaker. Second, and maybe just as important, you need to remain objective. Leave your emotions (and ego) out of it.

In the workplace, on matters pertaining to the mission or task at hand, we have to set aside our reactive emotions and practice the humble art of listening. I’m not saying we shouldn’t practice this art socially as well, I’m saying as a leader you need to practice it to be truly paying attention, or obtaining Situational Awareness.

I like to use a few basic rules to help me actually listen to what’s being said.

Don’t jump to conclusions.
This shuts down listening before the conversation is even concluded and leaves you devoid of any knowledge of what the speaker had to say. It will frustrate the speaker and may have a negative effect on future conversations.

Sometimes words will have a particular meaning to us. When used by the person speaking, we think we know how they mean it and we draw a conclusion. This conclusion can be wrong without the rest of the context to clarify what their intention truly was. This includes hearing something we don’t like because we’re anticipating it. We think we know ahead of time what the person will say or how they’ll react. Possibly you’re anticipating opposition to your point of view and start your rebuttal in your head before the person has had a chance to complete their thought. This is a good way to miss what is being said

Don’t hear what you want to hear.
This is a variation of the previous issue of jumping to conclusions. Here we misinterpret what is being said based on preconceived notions. Maybe you want affirmation on a policy decision and “hear” an agreement when they’re giving you reasons that state otherwise. Remember to always approach your interactions with as much objectivity as possible.

Often times I hear the expression, “I hear what you’re saying but…”. I have found that rarely the listener (I use that term loosely) is actually hearing what I’m saying. They have a preconceived notion of the subject matter and attribute to me all the baggage they’re carrying on that subject. They react to words or phrases without considering the context or the speaker’s perspective.

Don’t interrupt...unless it’s a discipline thing.
I’m probably the hardest person not to interrupt. I tend to start in left field and work my way to home plate. It’s particularly difficult for my wife. She’ll read the epilogue of a book before starting the first chapter so getting to the point is big with her. My approach drives her crazy. It’s okay to interrupt, politely, to ask that they get to the point (which is what my wife says to me all the time) but to just cut them off so you can interject isn’t constructive. The interruption can completely end a person’s willingness to continue talking and you lose whatever ideas they were presenting.

If it becomes a conversation that is best not held in public because of privacy issues or it’s digressed into a potential disciplinary situation, interrupt! Move your conversation to your office before you continue. You know the rule “Praise in Public, Punish in Private.”

As an example of application, or rather non-application, of these points about listening, I’ll recall an old exercise of mine from my younger days. To prove the point (proving points for absolutely no earthly reason is a personality flaw of mine) that people just don’t listen carefully enough to what others say, I crafted a sentence. I would say it on occasion to watch people’s reactions and test their objective listening skills (or just to push their buttons).

The sentence was based on many years of experience spent on the road riding a bike, both bicycle and motorcycle. I obeyed the laws of the road and was a cautious and defensive rider. I eventually lost count of how many times I was nearly killed or run over by “elderly” women drivers. They weren’t being mean or intentionally aggressive toward a “biker,” they were just unaware of my presence.


I can still see in my mind’s eye one of my first such encounters on my motorcycle. I was cruising Main Street, small town USA, at about 20-25 mph. Main Street was ideal for cruising because all of the stop signs were on the cross street giving any and all traffic on Main Street the right-of-way. As I approached an intersection of one of the cross streets, I saw a car stopped at a stop sign waiting to cross. I looked the driver right in the eye to make sure she saw me and she looked right back at me. She then proceeded to cross in front of me as if I wasn’t there. I screeched my tires, as I braked to avoid hitting her, to make the point that she was cutting me off. The squealing tires apparently made her realize, for the first time, I was there. She looked genuinely surprised (jaw dropping, eyes-bugging look of shock) and slammed on her brakes stopping her car directly in front of me. I stopped my bike (a little more dramatically than I needed to), just looked at her while waiting for her to move, and then continued on my way. It would turn out to be the first of countless more.

So, my sentence started with “I drive better drunk…”. At this point people would go crazy with the verbal slappings. I knew that the first part of my sentence, as a stand alone statement, was indefensible and even ludicrous. I was rarely allowed to finish the sentence and on those occasions when I finished it, no one was listening. My riding experience had taught me that what I would have said, had I been allowed to complete my sentence, was accurate. The rest of the sentence was “...than a lot of old ladies drive sober,” (sorry Mom). It was never my intention to complete the sentence (nor to disrespect my elders) I just loved to watch people: jump to conclusions without listening to the context, only hear what they wanted to hear, and then interrupt me before I could finish. I eventually got tired of the verbal slappings so I quit the exercise.

Objectivity is key to helping you listen effectively. Please keep in mind that setting aside your emotions doesn’t mean setting aside compassion or empathy but simply viewing things objectively. Maintain your professionalism and realize your objective is to move your team forward to mission completion.

1 comment:

  1. I agree.... assigning motive to someone's actions is a slippery slope, regardless of the context. It can lead to misunderstandings and even hard feelings. It was something I always tried to remain cognizant of as a supervisor. Even things that seemed obvious weren't always as they appeared. I always sought to give my employees the benefit of the doubt. And besides, you know what they say about people who assume...

    ReplyDelete